Life Lessons
by HYPA gal33355555
Summary: One of House's patients has a daughter that House finds he must care for. But how can HOUSE care for anything? And who will be teaching who a lesson?


"Crud. I have a tummy ache. HOUSE!" "You don't own me." "Crud, he's right. HEAR THAT, PEOPLE? For the record, I own none of the House-ness or his ducklings portrayed in this fic of fan-ness."

Fan-ness…fan-ness…fan-ness… (Stupid echo.)

"Hello, doctor." A lady said as her doctor walked in.She was petiteand had long black curls, and she was wearing a sundress, sunhat, and, oddly enough, sunglasses. "What are you doing back so soon, Susan?" the man asked. "Well, I've been taking the medicine you gave me, and I don't seem to be getting better." She said timidly, as if worried about wasting the doctor's time.The doctor gave her a worried look. "Is something wrong?" she asked. "Yes…but I don't know what." The doctor said gravely.

-Insert title theme here-

House walked into the hospital on this bright, lovely, shining day. Well, that is if you ignored the fact that it was raining. Despite his joy of being drenched, it was topped by seeing Chase holding a file and walking towards him.

"House!" Chase called. "Gotta go. Sick people to avoid." House said, walking briskly (well, as brisk as you can walk with a cane) towards the elevators. "House!" Chase shouted again, as if scolding a small child. "Yeah, I always find that smug, angry doctors listen better the second time." House said, getting on the elevator just before Chase caught up. Chase sighed as the doors closed in his face.

"Oh, good! House!" Cameron said as the elevators opened up to reveal her boss, "Did Chase give you the file?" "What is this? A relay race? And no, Chase didn't give me the file. It's kind of hard to give someone a file when they're in a leaving elevator." Cameron sighed, "You ran away from Chase?" "It's kind of hard for me to run since I have a cane. I guess your boyfriend just isn't fast enough for me, huh?" House remarked. "He's not my boyfriend!" Cameron said. "Oh, yeah. One night stand. Got it. Bye!" House said, glad to have upset Cameron.

"House! We have a woman with unexplained fever, headache, chest pain, and light sensitivity who isn't responding to migraine medication. Foreman said, walking next to House. "Hey! Hey! Hey! How am I supposed to avoid work if you're shouting patient's symptoms in my ear?" House said. "Sorry to interrupt your important plans, but we've got a case." Foreman said sarcastically, "And the first thing we need to do is find a place to stay for her daughter." "Okay, Chase can do that." House said, motioning to Chase, who had finally caught up.

Chase gave House a puzzled look and then headed back down to the room where the daughter was waiting. "Hello." Chase said, sitting down on a stool in front of the table. He looked up at a tall girl with brown hair, blue eyes, black framed glasses and black…everything else. "…Hi?" the girl replied, lifting an eyebrow. "So, I hear you don't have anywhere to stay." Chase said. "…Yeah, so?" the girl said. "Um…you kind of need somewhere to sleep." Chase said while receiving a "duh" stare, "So, you can't stay with your dad?"

"He's gone…just gone."

"Relatives?"

"None on this side of the country that would care enough to come and get me."

"Okay…not even any friends who wouldn't mind a prolonged sleepover?"

"Not really."

Chase sighed. This was not going to be easy. He took the elevator back to the floor with House's office.

He stormed in, throwing up his hands in despair, "I don't know what we're going to do, House! She has no contacts whatsoever." House started walking towards the door. "Where are you going?" Chase asked. "I'll ask Cuddy. I've been looking to talk to her. Did you see the low neckline she's wearing today?" House said with a growl.

"Hey, Cuddy. I've got a patient's daughter who needs shelter. I figure you know what I should do." House said. "You know, House, I think this could be a good experience for you. Why don't _you_ take her?" Cuddy said, smiling. "Me? Do you really want to encourage raising children in Vicodin and hooker infested homes?" House questioned. "At least that means you'll have to shape up for a few days." Cuddy said. "Shape up? Rehab didn't make me do it, what makes you think a little kid would?" House asked. "Well, unless you want to spend the day asking nurses if they'll baby-sit, which I wouldn't do if I were you and didn't want ten more hours of clinic duty." Cuddy said. "You know what, Cuddy? You do that! You stand up to the grumpy, drug-abusing doctor if you want to! And if you want to rip off your clothes and do a dance on your desk, you do that, too!" House smirked. Cuddy sighed and rolled her eyes as House turned to leave, the smirk painted on his face. That is, until he saw his patient's file…

"You want me to work on a headache!?" House whined, "But that's so BORING!" "Well, she's no Esther, but if you ask me, it's better than clinic duty." Forman said, referring to an old patient whose symptoms were discovered in a young boy not so long ago. House grumbled and trudged away. "Where are you going?" Foreman asked, confused. "Meet the patient and her daughter." House grunted. Foreman, Chase, and Cameron exchanged suspicious glances. "But you never meet patients." Cameron said, catching up to him. "Might as well, I'm stuck with the brat for a week or so." House said. "Cuddy decide to teach you a lesson?" Foreman smiled. "You know what they say…" House said, "Fight immaturity with immaturity."

House entered the room as the cheery mother told her daughter in an insistent tone that she would be fine, sounding as though she had already stated it a dozen times already. "Awww…are you going to get a tattoo with a heart that reads 'Mom' in a couple years?" House asked with mock fondness. "No." the daughter growled. "So, you two have names?" House asked, ignoring the daughter's obvious hostility. "Yep." The daughter said, with no intention of telling him what their names were. "Don't be so rude, Madison. I'm Susan and this is Madison." The mother said calmly. "So this is the little monster I'll be baby-sitting?" House asked. "And this is the oh-so-brilliant doctor I'm staying with?" Madison asked. "Madison…" Susan said in a threatening tone.

"Say, this might be genetic. I might need to take a blood sample." House said, pulling out a long, gruesome-looking syringe. "So, you get laughs by scaring your patients?" Madison asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. "Well, you're not exactly my patient and I'm not exactly laughing." House said in a serious tone, "…But I can if you want me to. Muahahaha!" Madison gave House a bored look. House flickered the lights on and off for dramatic effect. "Riiight…So, do you have a name?" Madison asked. "I'm Doctor Greg House." House replied. "Well, Doctor, we've taken up enough of your time. I'm sure you're a very busy man." Susan said. "Yup. Busy, busy, busy." House said, walking out.

After multiple hours of playing his game boy advance and sleeping, House was found goofing off by Wilson. "House, Madison has been waiting for you! You have to drive her to her house to pack so she can stay at your place." He scolded. "Five more hours…" House groaned, "Wait…how do you know about Madison?" "Cameron told me while she was looking for you." Wilson answered. "Oh…so does Cuddy want me to take this kid and her stuff go my apartment on my motorcycle?" House asked. "I guess you could borrow my car." Wilson suggested, tossing House the keys "Cool! If we almost broke the speed limit with the coma guy, imagine what we could do with a teenager!" House said, almost giddily. "House!" Wilson called, annoyed. "Too late! No take-backsies!" House said, jingling the keys and walking out. Wilson sighed and shook his head.

"Wow, I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever show up." Madison greeted as House walked through the door, "They must've had half the hospital looking for you." "Ah, kids. Isn't it so cute how they exaggerate?" House cooed, "Anyway, I had to borrow another doctor's car. My usual ride is a motorcycle. Cool, huh?" "A motorcycle!? She isn't going to ride it while I'm in the hospital, is she?" Susan asked. House shrugged, "You ever pop a wheelie?" "No, and I don't plan to. Motorcycles are loud and annoying." Madison stated. "Have you ever ridden one?" House asked. "No." Madison said. "Oh, come on! You're missing a favorite American pastime: Disturbing the peace, speeding, and polluting all at once!" House said. "Oh, joy." Madison said sarcastically. "So, it's decided. Madison won't ride the motorcycle." Susan said. "Awww…" House whined. "Are we going or not?" Madison asked. "Oh, fine." House pouted.

Once they got settled in Wilson's car, Madison kindly started the conversation with, "Maturity isn't your strong point, is it?"…Or maybe not-so-kindly. House replied with, "If I've got to deal with you, I should be allowed my share of immaturity."

"Pfft. You hardly know me."

"Oh, right. I'd forgotten that you'd abandoned your hard-partying teenager spirit and warmly welcomed me the second you'd met me."

"Ever wonder what life would be like without sarcasm?"

"I'm sure it would be very, very happy indeed." House said sarcastically. And thus began the appreciated silence between the two which lasted until they got to Madison's house, where it ended with House complaining of all the things Madison wanted to bring to his apartment and then it started up once more.

By the time they reached House's apartment, the only sentences spoken between the two were Madison's: "Isn't it kind of ironic your name is House and you live in an apartment?" which House answered with: "Not like saying someone should be glad you don't need six hairdryers and then packing about fifty books." And the silence started after Madison mumbled, "They were for school."

The day ended with both of them getting ready for bed, but not before an unexpected conversation as House got out of the bathroom and Madison sat on a counter waiting for it. "Doctor House?"

"What is it? You need me to check under your bed for monsters or something?"

"No…I just wanted to tell you that I know you can cure my Mom. I believe in you."

"Yeah, well…I don't need the beliefs of teenagers to cure my patients."

Patients…patients…patients…

Again with the stupid echo. I'll get that fixed. Or maybe I won't. It makes a nice separating line between my story and my notes. This probably took three days to write, not counting research for the disease. Gosh, that was annoying. Glad my beta and sister, PurpleGhostSausage was here to help. After she beta'd it, I asked her to tell me how many times she laughed and she said "Neh." (As in 'How can you make me COUNT!?') And then she decided on three to five times. I ADORE knowing what parts made people laugh (if any . ). I rarely laugh myself (Innit sad?), so I won't be offended if you say you didn't. I just seem to have a knack (what a weird word…) for figuring out what makes people laugh and/or accidentally saying it. And a last random, hopefully interesting note: the little speech at the end of House's visit to Cuddy randomly came to me after drawing a House picture. It's on deviantart on my account, Roze35, and my sister is CharacterOverload. Oh, wait. One more thing you might (note the might) like to know: This is probably a bit older than it looks. I stupidly (EVER SO STUPIDLY!!!) wrote this on a computer with no internet access (I was supposed to be in bed, I wanted to write it, the laptop was in my room, what did you EXPECT me to do?)No way to e-mail it. Hoo. Ray( P.S. or something. It's got wireless now. WOOT!). Well, I hope to hear (or read, I guess) from you all (each and every one of you. Including you. Yes, you. Right there. With the face.). Yeah, and I stole "You with the face" from Phil of the Future. Don't sue me.


End file.
